my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
