Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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