Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
