There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
