She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize