I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
