Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dick has a subreddit
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