everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
