There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
