So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everyone says I win the strip club
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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