i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
