my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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