he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
