He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my shit smells like andre
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize