he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize