No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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