He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
