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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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