I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
