Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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