in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
