Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
