the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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