i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
