The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
