Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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