So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
