tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
