I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
