RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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