i was rollin on her like bob the builder
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
