My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
