I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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