Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize