Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sext me about skeletons
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
