FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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