Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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