How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
