Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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