I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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