everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
