I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
