her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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