I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
