if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
