Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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