my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
