marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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