Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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