I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
