it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
