I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
