I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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