Whatcha textin bout Willis?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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