I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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