wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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