I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
