I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
