someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
