Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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