My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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