gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
