I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
