Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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