Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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