My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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