the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
