I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
