dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it because I queefed?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
