You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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