??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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