i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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