Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There r osticjed everywhere
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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