i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize