Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
