Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
