We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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