How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
