Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
