doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
