I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
