This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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