that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
God, I missed his penis.
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