I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize